Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Why Me?



"Why me?"

I hear that a lot when people feel they're at their darkest hour. It's a legitimate question. Yet, for every person that says "Why me?", I can find ten more people who probably have a better reason to ask that question on this particular day. For instance...

I couldn't breathe very well today and I started to feel sorry for myself. Then I logged onto Twitbook and saw a post from a friend who's waiting for a lung transplant and is losing the ability to focus on things for more than five minutes at a time thanks to their lack of oxygen.

Humbled back to earth, I took a moment to appreciate my frustrating but minimal struggle for breath, then hopped in my car to head to a meeting with a former teacher. While I was driving, I coughed up something akin to "Slimer" from the Ghostbusters and I naively snapped back into "Why me?" mode.

Internally wallowing in my self-pity, I sat down to talk with my wonderful teacher and mentor who I hadn't seen in almost two years. During our visit she told me about one of her former students—10 years my junior—who just had a tracheostomy (a tube surgically placed in the windpipe that gets hooked to a ventilator) because they've lost the ability to breathe independently thanks to Duchenne-type Muscular Dystrophy. My teacher said this person was still pretty positive despite all of their struggles.

Even though I still felt justified to say "Why me?" today, after I heard that story I felt pretty foolish about overly dwelling on my cough and my trouble breathing.

Life is hard sometimes and we all have "Why me?" moments. 99% of the time they're justifiable reasons and we have every right to feel the way we feel...for a moment. And I did. Then I thought of my friend waiting for lungs and I thought of this young person with DMD who's still fighting even after all the bullshit life has thrown their way.

Then I looked in the mirror and said:

 "Say 'Why Me?', Josh. I dare you."

Peaceful and Powerful Things,

Josh

5 comments:

  1. I think the "why me" creeps in for me when ONE MORE THING gets added to my plate. The injury this summer has added a lot of rehab, add that to CF care and it can seem overwhelming...I have had my "why me" moments which I usually don't have. As long as they are only moments and not full days/weeks/months/years....I think it's ok. Let's stop the spread of "why me". It doesn't have to be a chronic condition :-) –K

    ReplyDelete
  2. Amen, Kay. That's why I wrote this blog post. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Great post! I actually wrote a column about this topic a few weeks ago - it's one that is on my mind a lot. I think having "why me" moments is natural, but I also do really try to take those moments to step back and look at how much I have to be grateful for...
    http://equals.youplusme.com/making-the-choice/

    ReplyDelete
  4. Great post, Cindy! I'm so glad you had the presence of mind to know you had some control over how you were reacting to your struggles while still allowing yourself to feel those emotions of frustration and sadness. So many people think showing emotion is a sign of weakness and I couldn't disagree more.

    Congrats on your pregnancy! You have a very lucky little one in your tummy. :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah - I agree completely. I think that grief is a natural part of life - it just needs to be balanced, like everything else. And thanks!

      Delete

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