Monday, September 5, 2011

The Only Post I'll Ever Write About God...MAYBE

Uh oh, it's a "taboo topic"! I'm sure I will rattle someone's cage with this post, but not a single word on here is meant to hurt anyone. I'm grieving my father and this is how I do it...by sharing my soul.

I'm trying to be open and present during this entire experience with my father. You'd think grieving and loss would be "old hat" to me and I'd fly through the process like a trooper. If you actually believe that, then I have a bridge to sell you for REAL cheap. The truth is, I feel everything right now: Happy, sad, angry, afraid, remorseful, jealous, and so much more all at once. I'm like a volcano ready to erupt, spewing emotions out like lava that will incinerate whatever crosses it's path.

Unfortunately, I'm not the only person in the world to experience loss, nor am I the only person to examine my beliefs in times of great sorrow. I believe God and heaven exist, but even if they don't exist, it can't hurt to believe that their are angels are watching over me, protecting me as best they can from pain and misery. It can't hurt to believe that there's some place wonderful where we all go to be together after we die. A place full of hope, love and peace. I imagined my father having the ultimate enlightenment the instant he passed away. A surge of peace where every question he had was answered and every ounce of anger he contained vanished. Where he held his daughter and father in his arms as if they'd never been apart, all while heaven erupted with cheers like the clock striking midnight on New Year's Eve. Isn't that a nice thought? It kind of makes me envy those who are gone.

I've also thought a lot about judgement. About how it's human nature to judge one another as though we are the ones who make the decision of who gets into heaven and who doesn't, like there's a secret knock or something. I've seen hateful and vile acts come from people who preach the gospel every day. I've also seen amazing acts of love performed by those who aren't religious at all...but again...that's all my opinion. We can condemn people all we want down here (and we do, that's for sure), but I think that God gives everyone the opportunity to get into heaven and many different ways to get there. God is also perfectly capable of figuring out the difference between someone who is false and someone who lives a life full of love and compassion. When we point out others faults or sins to God, that's like telling a boss how to do their job, which rarely works out well for the subordinates.

I'm not a perfect man, nor am I a perfect Christian. I don't go to church every week. I don't always pray before every meal. I've certainly made choices I'm not proud of and hurt people I wish I hadn't. That being said, I'm trying my best to reconcile my mistakes by being honest with people and treating them the way I would want to be treated and the way God has taught me to treat them: with unconditional love, acceptance, and peace. I don't know if I will make it into heaven, but I sure hope so because I really want to be there with everyone else. Plus, I have A LOT of questions that need answering.

So...that's what I believe. Don't judge me, though...because I'm not judging you. I swear to God.

Peaceful Things,

Josh

9/7/2011 - Thank you for all of the comments. I love them all!

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Peaceful Things ~ Josh
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