Friday, November 25, 2011

Honest Thoughts About The Moganko CF Project

As my self imposed deadline closes in I can feel the stress compound. I carry this load by my own will, but that doesn't make it any easier to bare. I've still got a lot of stuff to do: take care of myself, finish 4 videos -including shots for 2 music videos and editing all 4, finish 1 multi-page photo montage, and stay peaceful.

Confession: I'm NOT a project manager. Pretend as I might, I am a terrible organizer. I lose my keys and wallet several times daily, I over-schedule myself, and directions might as well be written in gibberish at this point because English has now become a foreign language. Still, there have been signs of intelligence from time to time. For instance:

I've never considered myself a perfectionist, but I've been told more than a few times on this project that I'm determined to find that perfection if it kills me. In other words, I'm anal. I guess I just want certain aspects to be perfect. The lighting could be lackluster, the editing sub par, but the puppeteering, the music, the words, the message to the world: THOSE MUST BE IMPECCABLE. If this is going to work for children, then those things must be simple and clear. A tilt of the head one way or the other and Moganko says something different. The lips must be synced in the video so that the kids who follow along are able to focus on what's truly important...their health. If this is going to motivate those who have no clue what CF is to help me, then they have to see, feel, and hear the passion that this project is supposed to have.

I've never taken on anything of this magnitude before and—if I can lay all my cards out on the table—I'm really scared that all the hard work that these volunteers and I have done will be laughed at, that I will lose friendships (if I haven't already) because they think I'm obsessed with this puppet and this project. Even more so, what if no one helps me? What if I do all this work and people say "Meh...it's 'aaaiight', but nothing great." I think I may break down and cry before I even finish. When I started this whole process, I had no idea it would take over a year to accomplish. I also had no clue that within that year I would become sicker than I ever have been, watch my father fight cancer until his final breath, become an honorary member of a college a cappella group at 32 years old, and fully embrace what little skill I have as a puppeteer to reach for a dream. What a strange and unforgettable journey it's been.

But guess what? I'm not stopping now! If it takes me forever, I will finish this @#$%$ project. I have to prove to myself (yet again) that I am not a failure. Call it a self-esteem issue, but sometimes I lack confidence. Unlike many people I know, I share that so called weakness because I believe there are many who feel the same way about themselves and it helps to hear that...or read it in a blog.

Bottom line is that I'm scared, but I'm still trying. I've got the kids and myself to think about. That's all that matters. I wish I could convince myself of that. Please help me by wishing me luck. I'm gonna need it if this is gonna work.

Peaceful Things,

Josh

6 comments:

  1. Hey Josh, from the moment I saw your first Moganko your enthusiasm blew me away. You and Moganko have such a great way of making being sick fun whether you're young or an old timer. Keep going no matter what. And don't worry about being obsessed with a puppet. I have a thing for flying pigs and have yet to lose a friend I value over it. Here's to you and Moganko!!!

    Peace,
    Steph

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  2. I wish you only the best of luck, Josh!

    For what it's worth, I think you're pretty great! You are passionate, funny, and you have an enormous heart... and all those things show in your work. I think that you and I have a similar way of thinking, so I know that nobody can take those really deep-seated worries away. Even still, I hope you know that there are so many of us out here who have absolutely no worries because WE know how much YOU are capable of. And we can't wait to see the finished project!

    Hang in there, keep up the incredible work and (please, please, pleaase) try to take care of yourself in the process. Big hugs, friend!

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  3. Josh what you've put together already was absolutely amazing (Joshland Rap). I can't even imagine what else you have in store for everyone - but I can tell it's big! Don't doubt yourself - you're a huge inspiration to so many kids, and even to hundreds of adults (with CF or not!) What you are doing is going to help so many, I'm sure of it. Keep plugging along and we will all get to share your excitement soon about this project =) You're amazing, dude! =) <3 Much love!

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  4. My sweet son:
    All my fellow CF parents, medical professionals, physicians, and anyone else at the MN CF Consumers Conference on Nov. 19 could not be mistaken, Josh! Your music and lyrics, passion and compassion, intelligence and determination received a standing ovation. This is a crowd who understands the whole deal, and were absolutly amazed at the first and only sneak peek of more Moganko for CF Awareness. For people needing more information, and motivation to help the cause, that is all going to be there. So much good stuff, and "All coming soon to a computer near....everyone!"

    Love, Mom xoxox

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  5. I love what you've already put together, Josh! Keep it up and I know you'll succeed!

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  6. We're super excited over here, and so thankful for your willingness and dedication!!

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