There's A "Sexy Nerd" Inside This Blog Post

Do you remember the first time you realized (or were made painfully aware of the fact) that you weren't in the upper echelon of attractive people? To be more clear, when did you know you weren't "hot"?

Joshland Note: Apologies to the "hot" people reading this. It's not your fault you are incredibly good looking. I'm also sending out some hugs to those haven't realized they are not upper echelon material. Live in the "now", people.

My moment of realization was in seventh grade. Only a year earlier - in elementary school - I was part of the "popular" group. Girlfriends lasted for weeks. You "went out" with people you thought were cool. You kissed each other because you were "supposed to". I remember being sent to the principal's office for kissing on the playground. Even back then, I couldn't turn off the charm. Or so I thought.

Then puberty set in.

I didn't change who I was, but apparently I was the only one who didn't get the memo. I thought I had a grasp on the concept of being attractive to the opposite sex. Truth was, I had no clue what it meant to be "popular" or "hot" back then. I thought that elastic waistband jeans and Marvin the Martian/Air Jordan t-shirts with LA Gear pumps were awesome. And they WERE AWESOME...to me.

Apparently, the actual "hot" guys were the ones with Girbaud jeans, Starter jackets and an oversaturation of cologne. Maybe they were "choice" or "mint" or "rad"....whatever the lingo was back in the 1990's. I was oblivious to the difference. I thought I was cool too. I'd go chat with the cute girls. I'd say sweet things to them and sometimes I'd bring them flowers. They were NEVER mean to me at all. I think they felt a little sorry for me and my naive nature. I wasn't aware of the situation until one day a girl cooed condescendingly:

"Oh, your so sweet and such a nice....friend."

AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHH!

I've been a nerd ever since.

I think most men are just as insecure as women when it comes to their appearance. Sometimes I look in the mirror and dislike what I see physically, but there isn't much I can do about it except work hard and take care of myself. Some things you can't control.

I've watched my hairline recede. I could try Rogaine, but what's the point of adding one more medication to the long list of ones I already take? With my luck, I'd grow hair on my knuckles. I think I look alright with a shaved head. As long as I don't have a bad comb-over, it's all good.

I've seen my six pack abs turn into a beer keg thanks to a distended abdomen from cystic fibrosis complications. The six pack comes back after I've been sick and coughing for 3 weeks. That usually means I'm hacking up gross stuff. Nothing makes me feel sexier or more kissable than coughing up mucus. I know all you ladies envy my wife on those days. I should have stock in Kleenex and Tic Tacs.

I have toothpick legs thanks to cerebral palsy and I wear pants or jeans most of the time to hide their twig-like appearance. I'm like a flamingo. People are amazed I'm able to stay upright.

Joshland Note: A CF buddy recently joked that we should start a "Men of CF Calendar" for charity. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be included, but it made me laugh. Me and Moganko as "Mr. Aprils". Oh boy.

I don't think I'm unattractive. That would be a pot shot at my family and my wife if I said that. Both sides of my gene pool are quite fetching, if I do say so myself. I've just always wanted to be the guy that girls thought was "gorgeous". I realize I'm echoing the sentiments of a large portion of the population, but a little boost to the ego never hurt. We all want to be seen as attractive to others. It's human nature to be a little vain.

The following moment is just another reason why I love my wife:

Fast forward from my 7th grade debacle to 2010 and a conversation I had with her in the car on the way to the appliance store.

Joshland Note: If shopping for appliances doesn't make me hot, then I don't know what will. Picture me shirtless next to the dishwasher at "Scrub N Rinse Appliances". Okay, now quit laughing and let's get back the the story...

"Sweetie, do you think I'm hot?" I asked in a "fishing for complements" tone.

"Oh...honey..." she said as she tilted her head like a curious dog and patted me on the cheek. "...I think you are an adorable, sweet nerd. That makes you sexy."

"Really? You think I'm sexy?" I said in surprise.

"Of course I do, dummy. I wouldn't have married you if I wasn't attracted to you. Now stop pawing at me and keep your eyes on the road." she chuckled.

My wife thinks I'm sexy. Neener, neener, neener.

There are times wish I was "hot", with a full head of hair and the body of 21-year-old Josh, but it bothers me a lot less than it used to. I figure if getting older and beating this disease means I have to sacrifice a little vanity, I'll take the trade off. My wife thinks I'm a "Sexy Nerd" and I think that's pretty cool. Maybe I'll have a t-shirt made. Would that be sexy, honey?

Nevermind.

Peaceful and "Sexy Nerd" Things,

Josh