Thursday, September 16, 2010

My Perfect Day Without CF ~ A Stolen Post Idea From Unknown Cystic and Others

Joshland Note: A few weeks ago I saw this post from one of my favorite blogs, the Unknown Cystic. He already stole this idea from Dr. Nanos at Please Pass The Salt. So I continue the new tradition. I thieved it from him, I did. I thieved it right good.

You can read the Unknown Cystic's post (and I highly recommend you read more of his stuff) here:

My Perfect Day - Without CF

I would wake up to a kiss from my wife and the sound of barking puppies. I 'd feel rested because I wouldn't have insomnia thanks to coughing up mucus and stressing about life.

I would have an omelet with tons of meat and cheese and not have to find a bathroom in a panic 10 minutes later because I can't digest anything (enzymes or not).

I would take an hour in the morning to create my lesson plans for next week because I could be a teacher. One that wouldn't get deathly ill every time he set foot in a school. While I was working on my lesson plan, my boss would call me and give me a raise. I'd now make what a teacher should make and not what they actually make. My boss would also say that my students - who are doing exceptionally well - have nothing but good things to say about me as a teacher and mentor and that I should be proud of that.

Next, I would hit the gym to work on sculpting my greek-god-like body just in case I was called to action as a member of the volunteer fire department. My wife would come down to see me at the end of my workout and swoon over how great I looked while she ran her fingers through my full head of hair. Then we' know..."hangout" 'n stuff. Hee hee.

After spending quality time with the wifey, she'd get a phone call from the airport informing us that we won the "You & Your Loved Ones Fly For Free Forever" contest they were having. The instant she hung up the phone her face would light up like a kid at Christmas. We'd sit down at the computer and go through the list of all the places we wanted to travel with no limitations because I wouldn't have to worry about getting sick.

While Carly was on the phone calling everyone we know, I'd head out for my weekly practice with my "RB/Soul/Doo Wop/Rockabilly/Big Band" Band. We'd sing everything from Elvis and Sinatra to Huey Lewis and Sam & Dave (Look them up on YouTube, people!)

Once I was done "getting my song on", I'd stop to pick up my wife's favorite lunch and
ponder how I was going to afford to travel as much as Carly would want to. As I hung my head in sadness, I'd notice my gas gauge on 'E'. While making a pit stop at the Gas n' Guzzle, I'd forget to push the 'pay outside' button on the pump, which would force me to head inside. That's when I'd impulsively buy a lotto ticket because the prize was up to 1 Trillion dollars (that's 1,000,000,000,000 in numbers). I never buy them because I never win, but what the hell?

When I'd arrive home, I'd see maps tacked to all of the walls and numbers listed by each of the countries on them.

"What are those numbers for, sweetie?" I'd ask Carly.

She'd go into great detail explaining her intricate numbering system, ranking destinations by weather, attractions, speed, and length of stay, but I wouldn't hear a word because I'd be to busy smiling at her and how cute she was.

"Are you hearing a word I'm saying?" she'd question.

"Yes, Dear." I'd say because I know it drives her crazy when I say 'yes dear'. I'd get an eye roll and a "you are such a shit" kiss on the cheek. We'd sit down to have our lunch (that I wouldn't have to find a bathroom in the middle of eating) and turn on the TV.

Newscaster: "We're astonished to learn that an ultimate vaccine has been discovered that will rid the world of all disease and illness. What's even more remarkable is that it was under our noses the entire time. The vaccines main ingredient is.."

"EEEEEEEEEEK! THE POWERBALL DRAWING IS STARTING!!" I'd scream after looking at the clock and changing the channel.

I'd receive another well deserved eye roll from my wife (this is the perfect day, not the perfect Josh) while we eagerly watch the drawing. I think it would go something like this...

Type in Motion - Spaceballs "The Combination" from Angel A. Acevedo on Vimeo.

My face would be stuck like this:

What are the odds that my lotto ticket numbers and my luggage combination would be EXACTLY THE SAME?! Simply amazing!


Obviously, I'd have to change my underwear because I would have soiled them, but then I'd take a moment to think of Angie and how happy she would be that no one would have to hurt anymore like she did. Then we'd call everyone AGAIN to tell them that their mortgages are officially paid off and if they didn't have a house, then we'd buy them one. I'd spoil everyone rotten and give a ton to charity as well because who in the hell needs that much money anyways? Plus, I'd still want to teach because I loved my job that much.

At the end of the day, we'd go to celebrate our good fortune with my favorite meal - rigatoni and meatballs - and I wouldn't have to rush to the bathroom 10 minutes later.

Last but not least...I can't decide. Here are my options:

I'd crack open an orange soda and spend my evening snuggled on the couch with my wife watching the Twins win the World Series and The Vikings remain undefeated on their way to a Super Bowl victory!


I'd go out and sing karaoke with family and friends until I had no voice.


I'd have a movie marathon with my friends and family. Good times filled with popcorn and candy, soda and beer, movie quotes and rewinds. All good stuff.

Even if I was a trillionaire, I'd still be the same guy because I would never forget who I am and how important it is to share my success with others.

Perhaps I'll write a post on my perfect day WITH CF next month. That is my real life after all and I think I can still come up with a pretty damn good day even though I have this extra stuff to deal with.

Joshland Note: I just realized that the picture above is the same face I would have if Moganko tried to use me like a puppet. Ummm....ouch. Sorry Moganko. I'll be more gentle in the future, little buddy.

Peaceful and Perfect Day Things,



  1. Josh,

    Thanks for the great shout-out. Much appreciated. I like your day better than mine. You win a large sum of money in yours. I may edit my day to include that. Or I'll rob a bank in my paper bag head cover, which is perfect in those situations.

    Glad you've joined the Twitter gang.

    Best to you and the orange furry guy,


  2. what a perfect day! Of course if you won a trillion dollars you'd have to share with all your blog friends..right? hehe

  3. I like your day...and your writing! On another note, email me your address and I'll have Sam and Elise send you some art for your fridge! :-)


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