Hemoptysis ~ the coughing up of blood from the respiratory tract.
I saw it hundreds of times from my sister's bedside before I dashed away to get a Kleenex box while she cried from fear and from pain. I've heard of it thousands of times from CF friends, paramedics, doctors, and on televisions shows. It was a word. Until this weekend...
I felt just fine when it happened, but sometimes that can be deceiving. A lot of things could have caused this: allergies, exposure to second hand smoke for a few hours a month ago, stress, and just plain ol' cystic fibrosis. Any one of these can trigger issues, but add them together and......KABLAMO! I'll spare you the gory details because what you are imagining is probably just as bad as anything I could ever write on here. I will tell you it happened three times over the course of a day and was a pretty good indicator that something was wrong. You know what's funny about it? I wasn't scared. I was more upset over ruining a perfectly good pair of cheap jeans and having to put off taking the dogs for a much needed walk than I was over coughing up A LOT of blood. Things like that don't really scare me. I'm not trying to sound tough, but I guess I'm desensitized to all this garbage. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.
Getting sick is inevitable thing when you have this disease. It's how long one can make it between hospital stays that's the goal for most CFers. I figured I was due to go in for a "tune up" sometime soon, but I wish I could have had some warning. All of the other times I have ever gone into the hospital, they were predictable and I literally packed a bag before my wife and I headed to see the doctor...hoping for oral antibiotics, but preparing for a short stay in "The Joint." Not this time. I figured the doctor would have me pop some extra vitamin K and I would be on my way to a fun weekend that ended with the Cystic Fibrosis Great Strides Walk. No such luck, says the doctor. I was in for observation until further notice.
I missed everything this weekend. I cried a little bit. I swore and I snapped at people. I was so out of character because I just hated to see hear the sound of worried voices from my friends and family. I hated to leave them without answers because I truly didn't have any. I hated the way cystic fibrosis threw my whole life up in the air for no good reason other than because it could. Most of all, I hated the look on my wife's face. So brave, but so anxious as well. It's the same look I have right now. So I had my moment to be pissed. I had to allow myself that luxury. I'm human after all.
Once I got it out of my system, I was fine. I took advantage of the situation. I watched some Twins games (we don't have cable), caught up on some movies, wrote some stories, and just relaxed while the medicine did its job.
This bump in the road also gave me the gift of time. Time to send a "Moganko Message" to my little CF buddies out there who need to smile. I hope you'll take the time to watch this episode, share it with friends, share it on your blogs, and share it with your children. It's by far my favorite thing I've created with my little orange buddy. It shows that I'm NOT invincible. I DO go in the hospital just like they do and that I get through the tough things in life with three things: Love, humor, and honesty.
Cystic Fibrosis...I hate what you do, so I won't let you win. Even if you take me down piece by piece. Kiss my ass...I'm taking you down with me.
Thank you to my friends and family for the well wishes. I'm on the mend and I love you for the love you give me. Now feel free to laugh away at this video.
Peaceful and Positive Things,