Sleepless Thoughts

It's 11:00 and I want to go to bed. The problem is if I do I will keep my sweet wife up and that is not acceptable. She would prefer I come to bed because she worries. She doesn't care whether I keep her awake. But I know she going to worry about me regardless of what room I'm coughing in and she also needs her sleep, so I tell her to snuggle in and I will be there soon.

For the last few weeks, soon has been 3:00 AM. It's not like I want to be up, but every time I lay down, I choke on whatever is running down my throat making me hack and shake during the wee hours of the morning. I can feel it burning in my chest like someone is holding a match right below my lungs...the urge to cough. Even though I just did a therapy, it won't stop. A tickle in my throat and the constant breathlessness are so frustrating. So I sit here wasting time on the computer...checking Facebook, researching fantasy football, and incessantly checking my email even though most of the people I know are in dreamland right about now.

During nights like these I think about all sorts of things...money worries, being out and about with this H1N1 virus floating around, wishing I still had my hair, how my digestive enzymes never seem to work, hoping I don't get sick this fall (especially before the trip to Lambeau Field), how happy and envious I am of all the new dads that surround me, whether I am doing the right stuff in my life...I run the gamut. I wish my brain had a switch that I could just flip on and off. Why don't we add a permanent off switch to the whole CF thing because if I had one of those I would be asleep right now instead of writing on my blog.

Peaceful thoughts to anyone else wishing for some ZZZZZs,

Josh